The Foundation of Having the Life You Want: Habits

I think I’ve found my new favorite person in James Clear. Not that I’m a groupie—well, maybe a little. James is the author of the NYTimes bestseller, Atomic Habits. This book could practically rewire the way you think about how we live our lives. James makes the case that habits are necessary to set up systems that will eventually lead to achieving your goals.

Results, he says, are a lagging measure of the habits that are in place before it. Cases in point:
Your sports performance is a lagging measure of your training. Your financial portfolio is a lagging measure of your work, spending and investment habits. Your vegetable patch is a lagging measure of your gardening habits. It’s a simple theory, really: your habits are the secret to everything. They are the invisible architects of your future, the ones behind the curtain pulling the strings of your success, or lack thereof. You can’t just skip straight to the results and hope it works out. That’s like ordering dessert first at a dinner party and wondering why your steak isn’t cooked. He is convinced that once you have your systems in place they will get you to where you want to go.

Here’s the thing: Once you have your habits in place, you won’t have to think about them. They’ll just become part of you, like brushing your teeth or not answering your phone when you’re in a meeting. Consistency is everything. Say you begin the habit of waking up and exercising for 30 minutes every morning at 7 a.m. Once that gets ingrained in your system you will have a hard time NOT doing that when the clock strikes 7 because it becomes a part of your internal rhythm. It’ll be your body’s rhythm. Your clock will go off, and you’ll just get up. It’s science. It’s also magic, but mostly science. But building habits isn’t some one-size-fits-all process. It’s personal. There are three big ideas I’ve found that make all the difference.

1. Start Small—Really Small

The habits that I have been most successful at keeping in place for years are the ones that have started small and attainable. You want to be mindful? Start by setting a tiny intention. For me, it was a prayer. The Prayer of Jabez— it’s simple and beautiful. Every morning, the first thing I did after waking up was say that prayer. It was small, manageable, and doable. And it’s been the gateway to other habits that have followed. Just one small, simple thing.

2. Do It With Intention

Psychologist Wendy Wood’s study believes that nearly half of our actions every day are habitual—actions that we take without perhaps even thinking about why we are doing them and the intent behind them. But if you want to change your life, you have to change your thinking. Start being intentional about what you do. It can be as simple as making your first cup of coffee. Did you ever think about why you are having that cup of coffee and how it impacts you long term? What if you asked yourself, “Is this cup of coffee bringing me closer to the person I want to be, or is it just a reflex?” Now, I’m not saying give up your caffeine habit (I’d be a hypocrite), but maybe, just maybe, you can rethink it.

3. Be Nice to Yourself

Habits are hard. Life is hard. And if you think you can “smack talk”yourself into success, you’re wrong. Be gentle with yourself – but don’t take that to mean you can excuse your way out of doing what you need to do. Yes, you’ll falter. Yes, you’ll fall off the wagon, or the treadmill, or whatever metaphor you prefer. But don’t make it worse by piling on self-criticism. No one ever became their best self by being mean to themselves, no matter how many motivational posters they read.

There’s a practice called Centering Prayer, which was created by Father Thomas Keating, a monk who saw people flocking to meditation and wondered, “Why can’t we make something like that in the Christian tradition?” So, he did. And his advice is the most freeing thing I’ve ever heard: Just show up. That’s it.

Many days you won’t want to, you might often question if anything is changing, and become distracted in attempting to measure what is happening vs. showing up. I’ll leave you with this. Don’t judge the process. Just be intentional, keep a good outlook and keep showing up. And as James Clear says—dream big and execute small.

So go ahead—dream big. But as James Clear says, execute small.