Take this quick little quiz: Think about the last person you spoke to in person before reading this post and recall what color shirt they were wearing, one thing that they said to you, and what color their eyes are. If you know the answer to all three observations congratulations— you just “clocked everything”. My acting coach places high value on the art of micro-listening and attention in his teaching of Improvisation and I’m betting on doing life in general. This “clocking everything” as he calls it, means that nothing gets by you… no detail shared by your scene partner, spoken or expressed without words. When you pay attention to details, you catch information that you can then work from. I was in an Improv scene recently and my scene partner was doing some object work in the imaginary kitchen but noticed that I was having trouble flipping an imaginary cake out of the pan and ran over to help me. That was careful noticing and with it he took the scene in a slightly different direction.
One of the golden rules of Improv is to Listen and React. That should be a given in real life too. If we don’t pay attention to what the other person is saying how can we possibly respond in a way that reflects that they have been heard and understood. Being heard goes way beyond the physical experience. It is understanding the other person’s perspective– reading what they are saying not just with their words but with their body language, energy, movements, and more. It is being attentive to every way they are speaking to you. The more you become adept at reading or clocking the other person, the better you are equipped in the conversation.
And let’s not forget one of the most powerful tools in conversation—what is not said. He white space of communication. Taking time in your response, sometimes saying nothing if nothing comes to mind that you feel needs to be said, or letting your silence speak for you—that’s communication without uttering a word.