The Airport, the Volume, and the Art of Speaking Up
In a 24-hour turnaround trip I had the opportunity to witness a full range of human behavior — and I mean full range.
My favorite moment happened in a crowded gate waiting area before a 1 p.m. flight. Every seat was taken, a baby was doing what babies do at full volume, and the airline staffer had just announced a boarding delay because the plane was, and I quote, “extra dirty.” So we waited. Tired, crammed together, nowhere to go.
I was seated next to a young woman in her mid-twenties, headphones on, intently working on her laptop. On the other side, one seat over, a man suddenly had his phone on full blast — a self-help motivational video, playing for the entire gate whether they wanted to or not. I gave it a minute, certain he would notice and turn it down. He did not.
I glanced at the young woman. She lifted one earbud and said one word: “Wow.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m trying to decide if I should say something.”
“Oh I hate controversy,” she told me. “I would never ever say anything.”
That settled it for me.
It took four tries — Sir… Sir… sir… sir? — before he finally looked up, mildly annoyed that I had interrupted his viewing pleasure. I pointed to his phone. “Do you think it would be possible to turn that down a bit?”
He looked almost amused. I braced myself. Then he flipped the phone off entirely and said, simply, “There. It’s off.” Not sarcastic. Not warm. Just matter of fact, as if of course he was going to do that.
“Thank you,” I said. “I can now hear myself think.”
The young woman called it brave. I told her it wasn’t — it was just a choice. We can’t let things go that shouldn’t go. And we don’t have to make enemies doing it. Speak up and stay kind. Kindness is usually what makes it work.
Here’s what I’ve been thinking about since. At this stage of life we have something younger women are still working up to — a confidence that comes from having navigated enough. We’ve had the hard conversations. We’ve survived the awkward moments. We know that most things, handled with a little warmth and humor, turn out fine.
That is not a small thing. Speaking up, done kindly, is a form of care. It says: I think we can do better here. And most people rise to that.
The young woman at the gate reminded me of who I was thirty years ago — convinced that avoiding discomfort was the same as keeping the peace. It isn’t. Keeping the peace sometimes means being willing to gently disturb it.
Kill them with kindness. It works every time.