Thats Just Not Funny

In the beginning of every improv class, there are those warm-up exercises. The kind that are so innocuous you could almost do them with your eyes closed. Like passing a word to the person next to you while trying to maintain the same intention and tone. Or answering a simple, disarming question: “What’s something you walked into class with that you can’t put down?” Most of the time, people give socially acceptable, filtered answers that wouldn’t offend even your grandmother. But, every now and then—whether because of someone’s temperament or the sheer emotion of the moment—the truth slips out. Like last night.

The teacher, in his usual boisterous fashion, kicked off the Friday Feelgood class with a loud, “How y’all doing?” and was greeted by an enthusiastic chorus. But Benjie, a regular in the front row, wasn’t smiling. Not even a little. And the teacher, with his finely tuned antennae for vibes, noticed. He called Benjie out on it. Benjie, caught off guard, shared that he had just learned he’d missed the cutoff for federal health insurance. Now, who knew that missing a single deadline could leave you with no coverage for months on end? Six months or more, if you’re unlucky. Apparently, there are rules for when you can and can’t have health insurance. Who knew?

And so, class proceeded. We all settled back into our routines, and the improv scenes unfolded. Until one particularly unobservant—or maybe just clueless—student decided to work Benjie’s health insurance crisis into a scene. And just like that, the tension in the room shifted. Benjie immediately called him out. “That’s not part of the scene,” he said,“I’m not going down that path.” No hesitation. No apology. And honestly, I admired him for it.

It got me thinking, as it often does when things take a sharp left turn:

When someone doesn’t seem quite themselves, how do you show up for them? It’s not as simple as treating them how you want to be treated. I never really understood The Golden Rule to be completely honest. What if the way you want to be treated isn’t actually helpful to the other person? How about: treat others the way you think they want be treated (assuming they are a rational and reasonable human being).

Fundamentally, people are complicated. Maybe the best thing you can do is listen—really listen—to what they’re saying, and what they’re not saying. Tune in to their body language, to their energy, because sometimes, that’s where the truth hides.

And when someone shares something deeply personal, something raw and emotional, hold it close. Treat it gently. We all have our moments of vulnerability. The least we can do is honor that.

Benjie’s scenes last night were filled with such raw emotion, with fire in every word. Maybe that was what the scene called for, or maybe, those moments were just his safe spaces to release everything that was brewing inside of him. But in the end, it doesn’t really matter why. The only thing that matters is how you choose to respond when someone shows you who they are. You listen. You honor it. And above all, you don’t make it into a joke.