The Power of Pacing Yourself

Does Silence Scare You?

Even if you’re not in the acting world, I’m willing to bet you’ve heard the term “pacing.” In acting and improv, the pause—the silence—is just as powerful as the spoken word. New Englanders, and especially New Yorkers, are great at talking—and talking fast. Here’s the thing about talking, though: when you’re speaking, you’re not listening. We all know that, but it’s still a little mind-boggling, isn’t it? Most of us are already crafting our response before the other person has even finished their sentence. And when you think about it, how wildly unproductive is that?

I always get a little startled with myself when my acting coach stops a scene and asks, “Did you hear what your partner just said?” And I have to sheepishly admit, “No, I was too busy thinking about what I was going to say next.” And wouldn’t you know it? What I missed was always the most important part.

Here’s the other thing about silence—it’s not just blank space. It’s powerful. The pause adds weight to whatever was just said. You’d be surprised how often the person you’re speaking with, or the audience you’re performing for, will linger on those moments of silence, simply because they don’t have to process a flood of words right after.

It’s funny, isn’t it? We feel this overwhelming need to fill every gap in the conversation. Why? It could be a million things:

• We’re afraid we won’t be heard.
• We need (or just really want) attention.
• We think what we’re saying is more important than what anyone else has to say.
• We’re nervous.
• It’s a habit.
• It’s what we learned growing up.
• And yes, we’re all secretly terrified of silence.

My acting coach has been sneaking in little exercises to get me comfortable with the white space of a conversation. One of them is a scene where, for the first minute, I have to just listen to my scene partner—before I say a single word. Sounds easy, right? It’s not. A minute feels like an eternity when you’re not allowed to talk. The funny thing is—the more I practice it, the easier it gets, and, dare I say it, it’s actually… kind of relaxing.

Don’t just take my word for it—try it for yourself. See what happens when you give someone your full attention and hold off on responding right away. You might be surprised at how good you get at really listening—and what that does for everyone around you.