I have a friend I’ve known since I was 17 years old — that makes us friends for fifty years. I was her counselor at a week-long sleepaway national program called GirlsState, which educates and trains high school seniors on the workings of American government. It was one of those experiences that was intense, fun, and made for lifelong memories and friends. Betty is one of those people who doesn’t let time pass without fueling a friendship, and for five decades she has made sure we stay regularly in touch.
We’ve covered it all over the years — undergraduate and graduate school stress, career and family life challenges and achievements — but the biggest connector between us is sports. Betty began her undergraduate studies at UCONN, recruited to play women’s basketball. Yes, that team- twelve time national champions. Though Betty transferred to an ivy league in her sophomore year, that one UCONN data point tells you everything you need to know about Betty’s talent and her drive. She is an athletic beast, and I say that with true respect and admiration. She started her career in finance in the mid-’80s, and it didn’t take her long to figure out she needed to play equal to the men both on the trading floor and off — which meant taking up golf.
Here are the stats on Betty’s golf game: she is regularly in the championship flight of whatever tournament she enters, her opponents and teammates know that when Betty shows up the game will be compelling, and she’s a rater for a major golf magazine-impressive stats. As a competitor, you don’t take Betty lightly.
If you talk to Betty about her golf game on any given day, in any season, she will tell you about what isn’t working and what she’s not pleased with. Like any seriously competitive athlete she focuses on what needs to improve, not on what’s already working great. That tenacity shows up on the course, where she’ll be politely vocal about her sub-par shots — so much so that one of her clubs has a term for a golfer who’s just expressed disappointment in her own stroke. They’ll say: “Don’t be a Betty!”
It’s a great reminder for the rest of us, with a simple lesson underneath it: acknowledge your good strokes and achievements. Yes, we want to be the best at what we do, but if we only focus on what didn’t work and never recognize what is working, we run the real risk of sliding into a negative mindset. There’s something to be said for putting the thought out there of what you want to happen next. Athletes call it visualization, and Betty and I both know it well — but in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget.
Here’s why this matters more, not less, as we get older. A 2024 study of thousands of adults over 50 found that people with a stronger sense of optimism — and especially a stronger sense of purpose — had measurably healthier immune systems than their peers. Not just a better outlook. Better biology. The habit of noticing what’s working, and of picturing what you want next instead of replaying what went wrong, isn’t just a more upbeat way to move through your day. It may genuinely be part of what a healthy aging mindset looks like from the inside.
The next time you catch yourself getting down on your own performance — on the course, in a hard conversation, in any of it — remember: don’t be a Betty. Notice the good stroke. Picture the next one. That’s aging with purpose, one shot at a time.
And don’t worry about Betty. She really is one of the most positive people I know. Just an extraordinary athlete who doesn’t cut herself a break sometimes.